I'm a Bad Girl After All

I felt that I am a bad girl after all.

After so many times of telling myself,

To forgive myself due to my ignorance in the past.

I'm a bad girl after all.

I was always fearful. I have phobias.

Due to fear, I lied.

Due to pressure, I lied.

And then I shunned.

I was not honest only learning when I grew.

I am always depressive.

With many mood swings.

I'd not been punctual.

I'd been selfish.

I'd been jealous.

I'd been arrogant.

I'm full of wrath.

I always control.

I'd been lusty.

I'd gone overboard.

I'd been greedy.

I'd been careless.

I'd been lazy.

I'm a flirt.

I'm a bitch.

Who will like me?

I try not to show.

And I hid truth.

I hated myself sometimes.

Yet, I tried to love others.

I still hate myself.

Then I fear.

I feared when people love me.

Because I do not know what exactly is love.

Who had taught me what is love?

Because my parents were not loved.

I blamed my parents.

Yet I must forgive them.

They'd went through so much.

Ahead were lessons to learn.

Since I was not taught with care.

It is my responsibility now.

I'm a bad girl after all.

Even so many I've read.

When will I change?

Even if done so many things,

When will I change?

I wish for further realization.

I'm a bad girl after all.

Will you forgive me?

And will I?

All because I fear.

All because I grudge.

All because I blame.

All because I hate.

I'm a Bad Girl After All.

I wish to be a Good Girl After All.

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I guess most of us who are aiming to become a better person will have all these thoughts, is it true? This is to encourage us to face all our negative traits.

I think this is the very first step towards understanding. Only when we open up to see ourselves, we shall be able to see why some people are behaving like how they are.

Either start to understand others first or start to understand yourself first.

There are still many who won't understand, so that's why we still must not reveal too much on our past or present negative traits. Especially when come to job interview or relationship. Because other parties might fear and that's what we might fear. They might not be as open minded as others.

Challenging yet our responsibilities, all due to our ignorance.

May all the best be with you.